Having second thoughts.

I've written before about my upcoming surgery. I am scheduled to have a hysterectomy on June 18th.

I gave two units of blood as requested by my OBGYN, which in it self was quite a feat. I knew I was anemic but I had no idea how bad. I ate high iron enriched food and went in. I just barely made the cut to donate for myself. My numbers were not good enough to be a regular donor. When I came home I got sick and threw up all and was weak for days. I went back a week later after eating iron enriched foods again and taking iron like I always do, my numbers were off and I could not give blood. I was able to give the last unit a week later. I could not believe how exhausting it was for me to give blood. It took a good week for my body to feel normal.

I guess normal is relative. I went to talk to my OBGYN because I had some more questions and he looked at me and told me I looked very anemic. I had started my period and they are VERY heavy...major reason for hysterectomy. He told me that I needed to stop the bleeding and he gave me a serious drug to stop my period. The minute I took it, my period stopped. I felt better and my energy level went up.

Why can't I just take meds that prevent my periods? I am sure it's not an option since Ive spoken with so many doctors.

The genius that I am, watched Oprah yesterday and the topics were Medical Mistakes. Not the best thing for me to be watching two weeks prior to surgery.

It's 4 am and I am thinking about canceling the whole thing. I know my friends and family are going to think I'm crazy. All I've talked about for the past 3 months is this operation and now to not to go through it. Three years ago I flaked out and canceled the same procedure. I am smart enough to not have the surgery just because I will feel stupid if I don't, but I will feel stupid. I can live with that.

I have a appointment tomorrow for my medical clearance with my regular doctor. I think I am going to talk with him and see what he thinks.